today is the worst day of my existence.
never have i felt so repulsive, ugly and fat.
im not trying to insult god or whoever’s above for creating me but seriously this is VERY far from perfection.
and this is why i need to diet.
and my determination this time is unbeatable.
i will not succumb to temptation.
im currently 54 kg and i will will will lose 8 kg
day by day i watch myself degrade.
i think it’s time i went back to church; to purge myself of my guilty pleasures
i am speechless about the humanity and sensitivity of mankind. its liked we’ve have become indoctrinated to be a bitch, and be on our toes all the time.
i need a break.
i am tired
i a even more confident of our relationship because i know nothing can break us apart.
because a part of me lives in u and a part of u in me.
and together we are one.
Day 04. The most heartbroken you have been, tell the story.
i thought i was going to lose him because of everything that happened.
and i was so worried that he wouldn’t stick through with it because little can stand my mother’s menacing mannerisms.
but he stood by me. and he never gave up to fight for us. and that’s why i love him and we’re still together, as happy as ever.
Day 03. Worst injury you got, and how you got it.
Worst injury emotionally or physically?
The worst injury i have gotten physically (as far as i remember), was when i fell off the bike at 2 or 3?
I had a fracture and it was disgusting.
i do not wish to go into the explicit details as it is too horrendous and painful for me to remember the experience.
hah, im kidding but i dont think anyone takes much interest in hearing about how i broke my arm.
x
B
Day 02. Who has made the biggest impact in your life, and why?
To be honest, my mother.
Through all the shit and everything i’ve gone through with her, it made me realise that it was her who forced me to mature her.
I love her, granted she makes me fustrated at times.
She has made me the way i am, and i am not ashamed of that.
and i know this question’s answer is relatively short, but how can you possible put a description of 14 years with the person who impacted you the most, in a post like this.
Or maybe i just have incoherence in expressing and organising my thoughts into words.
Day 01. Tell about the best day of your life.
The best day of my life, was when i found my soul mate. And to top it off, both our families are approving of it, and we are currently living in cloud nine :)
Things happen when you least expect it. Its true. It has never even crossed my mind that all along, the person i have been dreaming of is right in front of my eyes. We knew each other for barely 5 months, and during that period, i let him down.
A few months down the road, a sport brought us back together in each other’s lives. He went from being an acquaintance, to a friend, to an admirer, back to being awkward acquaintances, and then friends. To good friends, best friends, and eventually where we are today.
it is amazing, how it just happened like that.
And i love him, till the end of the world and beyond.
i am going to start posting here daily, so that i have something to entertain me when A levels finish at the end of the year. and also to spur me on on this arduous, long, tumultuous journey to complete the life-determining examinations.
i am scared. beyond words.
i hate myself. how i am so complacent with myself and then i end up with self-regret and self-pity afterwards.
i hate how i try to delude myself into believing something i dont even believe in.
like “i don’t want to be a doctor”.
that’s complete bullshit.
i’ve yearned to be a doctor pretty much since i could even start speaking in complete sentences. (personal experience)
but yet my laziness and complacency got the better of me during the last 4 years, and the hopes of being a doctor are dashed. i can’t even hold a match to an average student in my school, much less top the cohort and be offered a scholarship into Yong Loo Lin’s medical school in NUS. WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING when i ACTUALLY believed i can do it?
and the only coping mechanism my brains has come up with is to psycho myself into believing that i have never wanted to be a doctor. i am a pathetic human being who has wasted the money and efforts my parents pumped into me.
Having said that, and all the rambling and stuff, i thought it through. instead of whining and wallowing in self-pity, i should have a last-attempt.
So here i am, pondering how am i going to write a letter to the various influential doctors/surgeons/professors such that they will let me understudy them. how can i make them want to mentor me? i don’t know but i have to.
so in the meantime, i’ll keep my fingers cross, and update this space regularly.
X,
B
in some ways i am awkward
i hate taking pictures, being in crowds, having to socialize
